


The Grieving Process

by xrosepetalsx



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Band Fic, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Near Death Experiences, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 15:03:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xrosepetalsx/pseuds/xrosepetalsx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kyuhyun is finally pronounced recovered, Yesung allows himself to grieve, only alcohol isn’t his strong point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Grieving Process

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at LJ. Archived here.
> 
> LJ Version [here](http://insanityplays.livejournal.com/5598.html)

_The sound of screeching tires were what threw everyone into a frenzy as one car, then two, went skidding across the pavement in the middle of a Seoul street. The normal sounds of city life seemed strangely muted as the two cars collided, one of which flipped onto its side and then its top, glass breaking with loud shattering sounds as the second car was flung into a parked car on the side of the street. Sirens filled the air only moments after people begin screaming, running away or towards the car wreck._

_On one side of the car, a man lay on the floor, covered in blood and surrounded by shattered glass. On the other side, three feet away, a man lay unmoving. With a groan, the unmoving man stood on his knees, crying out when he realized the pain of doing so. Sob’s emanated from the man’s throat, seemingly uncontrollable as another man crawled to his side, bruised but in better condition than the other two._

_A few blocks away, the phone rang in a dorm room occupied by half of a thirteen member idol group._

  
\--

It was nearing two in the morning when Kyuhyun got the call, his phone vibrating loudly on his bedside table where he’d left it when he’d retired to bed two hours before. The body besides his shifted, rolling to its side, when he sat up, untangling himself from the limbs that had been pressed into his warmth. He took up his phone with a swipe of his hand, disoriented.

“Hello…?” he answered with a groan, forced to yank the phone away from his ear when a reply came through.

“Kyuhyun!” the voice on the other end shouted excitedly, “Kyuhyun, oh Kyuhyun you have to see this! There’s this girl, and she’s...she’s,” but the voice didn’t get to continue it’s excited rambling before it dissolved into delighted giggles, stuttering out words that sounded like nothing but gibberish to Kyuhyun’s tired ears.

Sitting all the way up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed he shared with two others, one of which he was on the phone with now, Kyuhyun scrubbed at his eyes with his fist, bringing the phone close again even as Ryeowook, his other bed mate, sat up in bed as well.

“Hyung?” Kyuhyun asked, “Jongwoon?” he tired, hoping the man’s real name would be enough to catch his attention, but the man on the other end didn’t answer, only continued on in a slurred voice, rambling on and on about what this girl was doing and how funny it was, continuously dissolving into giggles. “Jongwoon, where the fuck are you?” he finally growled into the mouth piece, but the other was already a pile of goo, and in reality, Kyuhyun already knew where he was.

He hung up his phone with an annoyed sigh and threw it to the bed where Ryeowook had re-collapsed in a heap on top of the covers, body sprawled and completely nude. Their eyes met.

“You’re turn,” Ryeowook said simply, and Kyuhyun sighed, making a swipe for his car keys.

It’d been the same almost every night for the last week. Yesung would refuse to retire to bed with them, and instead disappeared to the same bar on the same street the car crash had occurred at, and proceeded to drink himself into a happy oblivion.

Only it was never really happy, because he always came home a mess, clinging to Kyuhyun like his life depended on it.

It seemed to Kyuhyun, as he made his way out of the dorm building and to his car, that the minute Kyuhyun had gone into full recovery, Yesung had finally allowed himself to grieve his near loss.

He only wished it wasn’t with alcohol.

\--

_“His chances of survival are thin to none,” Kangin reported quietly to the members gathered in the small living room of the upper most dorm room when he got off the phone with their manager, back to them, head bowed._

_Yesung tried not to show the pain in his eyes as he pulled Ryeowook into his chest, tried not to cry as he felt the quiet tears of the younger beginning to slowly drip onto his shirt._

_One phone call had been all it took for everything to come crashing down around them._

Thin to none… _Yesung would stay strong because Ryeowook needed him._

\--

“Kyuhyun! Glad you cou-you could make it!” Yesung shouted loudly, drunkenly, when he saw the man walk into the bar, a jacket thrown over the pajamas he’d put on. In Yesung’s hand, he held a bottle of soju that he sloshed around as he waved at him.

“Nothing like the real thing, eh,” he hiccupped, “eh, Kyuhyun?” Kyuhyun shook his head in reply, grabbing Yesung’s upper arm and nodding at the bartender as he had every night this past week, and begin to lead him to his car.

“No, Yesung, nothing like the real thing,” he grumbled, pushing open the bar doors and practically carrying Yesung out.

“Hey, hey, where are,” hiccup, “where are we going? Where are you taking me!” Yesung suddenly yelled, growing violent in Kyuhyun’s hold. “Let me,” hiccup, “let me go!”

Kyuhyun sighed. “Yesung, I’m taking you home. Come on, get in the car,” he soothed, leading him slowly with a hand on his back, opening the passenger side door for him. Yesung glanced at him then, eyes dancing and wild, suddenly growing desperate, as if he’d only just recognized Kyuhyun’s voice.

“Oh God Kyuhyun! Oh God, I thought you were,” hiccup, “I thought you were dead for sure!” he suddenly sobbed, throwing himself into Kyuhyun’s arms, accidentally losing his grip on the soju bottle he’d held. It went crashing to the floor with a loud shattering sound, but Yesung hardly seemed to notice as he went limp in Kyuhyun’s arms.

“I thought I’d,” hiccup, “I’d never get to hug you again! Never get to,” hiccup, “get to touch you, or or or,” hiccup, “kiss you!” he cried, caressing Kyuhyun’s skin in example, pulling away and attempting to kiss him, only for his lips to land somewhere south of Kyuhyun’s.

Kyuhyun sighed again. “I know Jongwoon, I know,” he soothed again, reverting to his real name, “But I’m here, and I’m okay, and you can do all the hugging and the touching and the kissing you want when we get back home, I promise.” Yesung sniffled and nodded in Kyuhyun’s arms, so Kyuhyun led him into the car again, buckling him into his seat when he got him into it.

Closing the door gently behind him, he secured Yesung inside and tried to ignore the way the older man watched fearfully as he moved around the front of the car and to the driver’s side. He’d barely sat within before Yesung was on him, clinging desperately, straining his seatbelt.

“Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun…” he cooed, one hand on the back of his head holding it to his shoulder, the other drunkenly stroking his hair roughly. “We thought we’d,” hiccup, “we’d lost you,” he sobbed, tears landing on Kyuhyun’s head.

Kyuhyun tried to hold back his growl of annoyance and wrapped his arms around Yesung, pulling him tight to him, rubbing his back as soothingly as possible. “Hyung, I’m _okay,_ ” he stressed into his ear, calming Yesung slightly. The older mans hold loosened, but not enough for Kyuhyun to get him off.

“Come on hyung, we need to get home, Ryeowook’s waiting for us,” he tried, but this only brought on a whole new round of tears that shook Yesung’s thinning body as he held him tighter again.

“Ryeo, Ryeooo,” he moaned, crushing Kyuhyun in the strong hold that used to comfort, but now only suffocated.

“Yes, _Ryeowook_ , and he’s fretting, _right now,_ ” Kyuhyun growled, but Yesung didn’t even hear his tone, only his words, and he suddenly pulled away abruptly.

“Then what are we,” hiccup, “what are we waiting for!” he demanded, drunkenly reaching for Kyuhyun’s keys, but missing by a long shot. Kyuhyun sighed again, thankful for Yesung’s protective side even when he was drunk.

As he started to drive, he waited for Yesung to fall asleep on his shoulder as he did every night that Kyuhyun had picked him up, but the man didn’t, only continued to mumble nonsense words beneath his breath with the occasional sniffle.

\--

_“I can’t…I can’t do this Jongwoon, I can’t,” Ryeowook said on a choking sob, holding back the tears that threatened to fall. “I can’t see him like that…not after what I said,” he moaned, sinking into the seat he’d vacated moments before on wobbly legs that threatened to falter beneath him._

_Yesung sighed, holding himself steady with every ounce of will power he had. Ryeowook’d fretted almost every night for the last month, asking for updates every time Yesung came home from visiting Kyuhyun, but until then, he’d refused to come himself, no matter how many times Yesung told him Kyuhyun’d forgiven him and only wanted to see him._

_“One time, Wookie, just one time…” he whispered, kneeling on unsteady legs in front of the smaller man, cupping his cheeks to make him look at him. “Just visit him in the hospital one time, Ryeowook. He needs to see you,” Yesung pleaded, using the same tactic that’d gotten Ryeowook to come in the first place._

_Ryeowook looked up with tear filled eyes into Yesung’s steady ones, and nodded once._

_Yesung could only thank the heavens for the fact that Ryeowook’d missed the pain he hid in his own heart._

\--

Kyuhyun glanced at Yesung every now and then as he drove them home, growing anxious when the man’s words started to get angrier, but no less understandable, and with eyes turned to the dark night sky, prayed to whatever God was out there that whatever change was occurring that night was a turning point in Yesung’s grieving process.

It was lucky he was at stop light when Yesung suddenly leaned over, fastening his lips to Kyuhyun’s neck and _sucked_ , hand groping the area between his legs.

Kyuhyun jumped with a loud yelp, pushing Yesung away just as the light turned green, and disregarding traffic rules – the streets of Seoul were empty – sped up.

They were a block from the dorms.

“What the hell are you doing, Yesung!?” he growled, sending a hard glance the man’s way. Yesung hardly yielded to the look, and only reached over again, caressing Kyuhyun’s thighs. Kyuhyun couldn’t help the reaction of his body, couldn’t help that he was getting distracted, but gritted his teeth and continued to drive, shoving Yesung’s hand away with one of his own.

Yesung reached over again, this time more forcefully, to fondle him, and Kyuhyun groaned, silently seething and secretly afraid as the road blurred for a second. He gripped Yesung’s hand hard as they passed through another green stop light, and threw it to the side.

“Damnit Yesung, stop it!” he hissed, but Yesung only fumbled with his seatbelt until he managed to unbuckle it, and nearly crawled into Kyuhyun’s lap.

\--

_“He’s going into therapy to get his body used to activity again!” Eunhyuk recounted excitedly when he returned from the hospital, Sungmin in tow, both with happy smiles on their faces._

_“He look’s much better today,” Sungmin added, eyes crinkling when he smiled at Yesung and Ryeowook who were sitting on the couch together, Ryeowook cuddled into Yesung’s side._

_Ryeowook sat up straighter, smiling back at Sungmin, and asked for details that Sungmin rattled off to him._

_Yesung held him in a supportive embrace, pretending to listen with hollow ears to words that would only serve to crack his mask, his smile forced and strained, but no one seemed to notice._

\--

“Fucking hell, Jongwoon!” Kyuhyun yelled around lips that were latched to his, swerving on the road, and hoping no cop had seen him.

“You can’t,” hiccup, “You can’t die on my now, Cho Kyuhyun!” Yesung growled, forcing his head back to his to kiss him again.

Kyuhyun ripped from his hold, shoving Yesung to the side as he found they only had to turn the next corner and they’d be in front of the dorms.

Yesung’s hand was in his pajama bottoms this time, and Kyuhyun moaned as he took the turn a little too quickly, a little too widely. Yesung made a huffing sound beside his ear, manhandling him more roughly, and Kyuhyun hissed when his hold tightened even beyond what Kyuhyun liked as he haphazardly parked across two open parking places and pushed Yesung away.

“Yesung, stop it!” he shouted, and Yesung glared at him.

“I’m going to,” hiccup, “to show you why you can’t leave me, leave _us,_ ” hiccup, “ever!” Yesung growled, pulling Kyuhyun’s face to his again. Kyuhyun refused the kiss.

“You almost just got us both killed!” Kyuhyun yelled, pushing Yesung back against the passenger side door. Yesung’s face paled.

“You could have killed us, Jongwoon, you could have _killed us!_ ” Kyuhyun shouted, face inches from Yesung’s, his eyes filled with tears. “God Damnit, Jongwoon…you’re gonna get yourself killed,” he said on a sigh, pulling away from Yesung and getting out of the car.

Yesung didn’t move as Kyuhyun’s words sank in, and then he started to cry again, great racking sobs that shook his body.

\--

_“They say he can come home soon, maybe another week, but he won’t be able to really start activities with the group for a while,” Donghae announced at the half full dinner table that night, munching quietly on his food._

_His eyes flickered to Yesung’s as the words left his mouth, but only flitted from his eyes to Ryeowook’s after a half a second. Yesung’s forced smile faltered slightly._

_Donghae’s look had been deliberate._

_“Did you hear that, Jongwoon? Kyuhyun’s coming home!” Ryeowook crowed excitedly, smiling happily up at the man who hadn’t let go of him once unless forced too since Kyuhyun had gotten into the accident. Yesung smiled back and nodded his head, but he suddenly felt wooden._

_He and Donghae both knew the words that’d been behind the announcement. Kyuhyun could never be fooled as easily as Ryeowook._

\--

A feeling of relief flooded Kyuhyun’s chest when he opened the passenger door to find Yesung crying into this knees, at the same time as he felt a lump form in his own throat, reminiscent of what he’d felt the day of the car crash when he’d realized he was going to die, but he choked it back as he gently helped Yesung out of the car.

Yesung choked back his own tears as well, but the damn he’d built had broken, and Kyuhyun knew the tears would return in the safety of their bedroom as he led him through the lobby and to the elevator.

\--

_They were attending a schedule when Kyuhyun came home from the hospital, and having refused to return to the empty dorm room’s, the others found themselves watching as Kyuhyun was led in through a side door, supported by one of the managers._

_Ryeowook was at his station besides Yesung as always, and they both watched as the others moved forward to meet him, greeting him gently. Yesung glanced at Ryeowook, questions in his eyes._

_Ryeowook shook his head, face scrunched up in pain, eyes filling with refused to be shed tears. Yesung sighed. Ryeowook hadn’t gone back to the hospital after that one day, refused to talk about it, and Yesung knew he was feeling the guilt of it in the wake of seeing Kyuhyun again._

_Kyuhyun’s eyes met theirs from across the room, and Siwon followed his gaze, gently taking his arm and leading him over to the only two who hadn’t moved to greet him._

_Yesung wound his arm around Ryeowook’s waist, lending the man his strength, and chose to ignore his own grief._

\--

“Ryeowook,” Kyuhyun called quietly as he opened the door of their bedroom, Yesung propped against his side, holding back sobs that he’d never once let out before. Ryeowook sat up from where he’d lain sprawled in the middle of the bed, exactly as he’d been when Kyuhyun’d left him.

His eyes were quizzical until they landed on Yesung, and then they were soft.

“Jongwoon,” he whispered, standing up from the bed. Yesung shook his head violently, trying to pull from Kyuhyun’s hold, but Kyuhyun’s grip with tight, and he only pulled him against him as he struggled.

The minute Ryeowook’s hand touched his cheek, a sob broke loose, and Kyuhyun let him go to fall into Ryeowook’s waiting arms, trying to hold back his own tears at seeing the strongest man he knew fall apart.

\--

_“Yesung-”_

_“And you can even have the whole bed to yourself until you’re healed,”_

_“Yesung-”_

_“Ryeowook and I were talking about it, and it’s no problem. We’ll just get one of the extra mattresses and drag it in here for the next month or two-”_

_“Yesung!” The sharpness in Kyuhyun’s tone was what made Yesung finally shut up, and with shuttered eyes, he turned to face Kyuhyun from where he’d been facing their bedroom, gesturing at the bed and the empty space beside it._

_“What?”_

_“How are you doing?” Kyuhyun asked quietly, eyes sharp on his face. Yesung barely reveled a thing, but in that, Kyuhyun saw it all._

_“I’m fine,” he replied, smiling woodenly, voice a forced geniality as he continued to explain what he and Ryeowook had talked about before Kyuhyun’d returned home._

\--

Kyuhyun knew, as he stood leaning against their bedroom door looking on as Ryeowook comforted a broken Yesung on their bed, that it was stupid to feel unloved in that moment, because Yesung was falling apart _because of him_ , wasn’t refusing him.

It only made sense that the two who’d suffered the most grief, the most fear for Kyuhyun’s life as he lay comatose in a hospital bed, would be the ones to comfort each other. Kyuhyun felt he didn’t have the right to hold them.

Yesung’s eyes were the ones to meet his first, his face tear strained, eyes red, and the look was like a siren call for all that it had Kyuhyun’s legs moving, his feet shuffling across the floor until he was standing in front of the bed, hesitant.

Yesung reached out with an open palm, and Kyuhyun slipped his hand into his hyung’s strong hold.

\--

_“Full recovery,” Kyuhyun announced as he walked in the door that night, bright smile on his face, though he still looked more ashen than anyone could wish. “I’m in full recovery. Just working my stamina back up now,” he said on a grin, and the others opened their mouths to joke and laugh with him._

_Ryeowook was in the kitchen, washing the dishes as he listened to the happy noises coming from the living room, while Yesung sat at the kitchen table, watching Kyuhyun hesitantly._

_He felt tears prick at his eyes, felt his heart beat start to speed up and the numbness he’d cocooned himself in start to recede. He grabbed his car keys, and without a word, left the dorm before anyone could see his composure crack._

_He walked until he found himself on the street the car crash has occurred on, not too far from their dorms by car, and continued to the bar he could see half way down the street._

_He still didn’t let himself cry._

\--

**Epilogue**

“I thought I was going to lose you,” Yesung whispered into the flesh of Kyuhyun’s stomach, tear tracks drying on his face. Ryeowook lay curled against Yesung’s back, all three of them free of their clothing and bare to the cool air of the room.

Kyuhyun had one hand in Yesung’s hair, stroking the soft tresses, the other resting against the skin of his arm. One of Ryeowook’s arms was draped over Yesung’s waist, the other held close to his own heart.

When Yesung’s fingers traced a faint scar on Kyuhyun’s side, he shivered, and then sighed when the other kissed the flesh beneath his lips, a few scattered tears dripping onto his skin.

It was the first time Yesung had dared to look at Kyuhyun without his shirt on since he’d come home. It was the first time he’d accepted the fact that Kyuhyun’s torso was littered with the scars from the accident.

“But you didn’t,” Kyuhyun answered quietly, feeling tears slip from his own eyes. Ryeowook was the one who reached up and wiped them away, small smile on his pale face. “And now you can accept it.”


End file.
